As all of you can see, I’m Ba-ack! If you are anything like me you immediately envisioned the movie Poltergeist and sang the word Ba-ack! in the appropriately sing-song creepy voice, so I know we’re on the same page from the get-go. “T” master was moving our site to another site, bigger, stronger, faster ,smarter - the Six Million Dollar Site! Ok, I admit, I watched too much TV as a kid (ok adult). This should really kill me, too much time on my hands waitin’ for the fishin’. Enough pooter junk. Its fishin time!!!!!!!
Okay, any bass angler worth his (or her) lifetime subscription to Bassmasters Magazine will tell you that it’s always fishing time, so I will clarify my thoughts for you. It’s time to start the tournament trail. Some of you non-fisherman-types are wondering - why February? Why not start at the beginning of the year in oh, say January? The reason for the seasonal kick-off in February is to make it fair for those Northern Anglers, who have to deal with what they call “Hard Water”. Being as I’m from the South, I always thought hard water had something to do with too much chemicals or something. I’ve since found out that above the “Freeze Line” (which varies from year to year according to complicated things like the Jet Stream, and the fifty-first parallel, and Artic Circles or Northern Lights, etc. ) the water gets hard enough in the winter that you can walk on it - i.e. frozen water = hard water. That little detail of the water being frozen won’t stop a dedicated fisherman, however. A real dedicated angler just drags a little outhouse-type building over the frozen surface of his favorite fishin’ hole, cuts a hole in the ice, and spends countless blissful hours freezin his fanny and fishin. Of course real fishin involves bass boats, so until the bass boat makers start making bass boats with even bigger engines (probably impossible) and those fancy ice cutting/crushing tools on the front, the Tournament Trail Time will start around February throughout the nation. There’s a long time, however, between the time Northern lakes become liquid again and the time this ol Southern boy is warm enough to fish. I’ll fish in the summer when there’s actual steam rising off the water, but I’ve had my limit of cold for the year now. I reached that limit pre-fishing for our first Tournament last week
On this particular day in Texas on Lake Richland Chambers, it was colder than a well-diggers heinie in Alaska. (I’m only guessing here, not having had any personal experience in this area, but I do possess a good imagination). I want to set the scene for you as I waited eagerly for my fishing season to officially start. As is common for February, a cold front had passed through the area overnight. The day before was sunny and mild, so it was somewhat colder than I’d been expecting. I’d spent a lot of my night dreaming of all the big bass I was going to catch, and what lures I was going to catch them on, but being a true man, I spent zero time planning my wardrobe for my fishing trip. It’s actually too bad my wife didn’t come along this time. She spends as much time planning what she’s going to wear to fish as any part of her pre-fishing agenda. That means that when she is fishing with me, she also plans what I’m going to wear also. (I may have mentioned she has some pretty funny ideas about how our outfits should match - but I’ve given up arguing with her and just shut up and let her dress me). She gets hourly computer weather updates, and plans our wardrobe accordingly. If I’m fishing on my own, I’m literally on my own, meaning I have to man up and dress myself. (See blog “FISH ENVY” for a full explanation).
Last Thursday was, coincidentally, the fifth, and thats exactly what I decided I should have had to drink instead of coffee. I want to reassure all of my readers that the fifth mentioned was strictly for medicinal purposes, as it is a scientific fact that alcohol doesn’t freeze. Unfortunately, I was not in my own boat, and therefore not in control of the situation. My fishing buddy took me across the lake at 200 mph, right at daylight. Our conversation went something like this: Me - “BURR - dang it! S-S-S-low down!” Friend -”Kain’t. The fish are on the move and so are we.” Colder Me - “I forgot my hat and gloves.” Pitiless friend - “Sorry, gotta go. “ Colder, More Pitiful Me - “I got a brain freeze.” Meaner, Soon-to-be-Ex, Friend - “Your feet should be froze. Where are your socks?” Colder, Madder Me - “Don’t wear socks unless someboby dies.” Former Friend - “As cold as you look you could be next to go.” Numb, Frozen Me - “Maybe I should have worn socks.”
We finally get to the first spot and ease our way in. He opens a box to get our frozen plastic lures out (new fun fact: there is a certain point at which those flexible plastic lures become frozen and inflexible. When they’re like this, they don’t fish right. You have to thaw them by placing them on the warmest spot on your body you can find. Use your imagination and you’ll figure out why I was really unhappy by the time I had my lure flexible enough to hook it and throw it in the water). As I look across the deck to see what my buddy is doing while I’m trying to thaw out my lure, I happen to glance back into the storage and low and behold! there sits a face shield! For all you non-fishin persons, this is a device you wear on cold days to protect your face and ears - it’s kinda like the front half of a full-facemask motorcycle helmet. I point at it disbelievingly and ask him why he didn’t give it to me at the beginning and guess what? He forgot about it until just now when he saw it. Thanks dude. In desperation I pull out my lighter and try to warm my hands as my usual warm spots have been sacrificed to warm the bait, making them too cold to warm my hands enough to make my first cast. As I try not to set my fingers on fire, I watch while my partner is undressing layer by layer. First off come the gloves, then the knit hat and matching jacket. Off come the parka and ski pants. He’s sweating and panting by now and still has on several more layers. I am not happy. I am usually treated to a similar lose-the-layers routine by my wife when she’s fishing in cold weather. She starts off sporting what I call her “Michelin Man” look when it’s cold, but at least she makes sure I’m warm too. And she looks a darn sight cuter stripping all of those clothes off than my former buddy.
After all this you would think the fish would be biting and this would make up for all the discomfort but NOOOOOO!The wind kicked in and the front hit and the fish got blown outta the lake and sat around the fire at the lodge while I froze my butt off. We threw everything in the boat and didn’t get a tap. The weaker-constitutioned so-called fishermen tell you don’t fish during a front, but as a true bass angler, I say anytime, all the time, and for a long time is the best time to fish. I have fished when it was sleeting so hard we had to hide in the dry storage because it was cutting our skin so much. Compared to that, this was great! Wonderful! It certainly won’t be the last time I will be out there in bad weather. For more than a few reasons, I hope the wife is along next time - I’ll tell her I missed her and sigh long-sufferingly while she lays out my clothes for our trip.
Tournament fishing may not be for the faint-hearted, but Bass Fishing is a sport for everyone! See ya on the lake!
For today Iquit.
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Feb 13 2010